- Are you alright?
I wake up with a startle. Why is someone in my room? And why is the sun shining so strong through my curtains? I feel this strange pain in my neck as well, and my cheek is totally numb. My sinuses are throbbing as I slowly open my eyes. It's like I've got fog inside my head, but it slowly dawns on me that I'm not in my bed. I'm laying face down on my balcony, both arms down at my sides. The only thing separating me from the hard wooden boards is the green rug that covers my entire balcony floor.
I try to focus my eyes and I stare straight in to the door leading out to the balcony. It's wide open and connected to the hinge on the wall which prevents it from slamming shut. The next thing I see is the dog laying just a few feet away from me, her tail wagging with bumping sounds in to the floor. She's clearly happy with something, and the vibration from her bumping tail is crawling in to my skull via the floor boards. I try to let out a moan, but my tongue won't obey me, and all that comes out is a sound which is a combination of a gargle and a hum.
I lift my head and I immediately feel nauseous. I try to move my fingers, and it's then I realise that my thigh is naked. Then it dawns on me that my torso is also naked, because I can feel the rug against my skin. There's a panic brewing in the back of my very, very soar head. I desperately move my fingers upwards and I let out a sigh of relief when I can feel my silken Snoopy boxers. At least I think it's a sigh. I might have been the beginning of a hurl.
I support myself with my arms and I manage to get halfway up when the entire Milky Way explodes inside my head. I say a bunch of words that would have shocked even the most hardened fisher man from the northern most part of Norway. I swallow hard and with pure force of will I get up enough to sit up with my back towards the wall. I look up and I finally understand why it's so warm. The sky is crystal clear and the sun has been shining straight down on me for who knows how long.
- I was getting worried.
Huh? There's that voice again. I turn my head, very s-l-o-w-l-y, towards the right, and I immediately wished that I hadn't. My neighbour is looking over the rail of my balcony, and that is the reason for Ruby's tail wagging, as she loves guests. Geez. Will this be the talk of the neighbourhood now?
- No, I'm not alright. Put me out of my misery, will you?
- He he. Rough night?
- My friend's 30th birthday party.
- How long have you been out here on the balcony?
That's when I realise I have absolutely no memory of going out here. I try to retrace my steps. The few grey brain cells I've got left are working overtime. After the party we went down to the bar. I was totally brushed off by the girl I've been having my eyes on for sometime now. This dampened my mood considerably, but the night was over at that point anyway. I then managed, contrary to any rhyme or reason, to get a cab home. As I stood outside my apartment door I realised that I had left my key in the car that was now parked behind the hotel where the party took place.
After sitting on my porch for some time I swallowed all of my pride and called my ex, four o'clock in the morning, to ask for the key she used when she took care of my place during the Easter holiday. I know I went to sleep in my bed, so how did I end up out here? I guess this falsifies all the theories I had that drinking strawberry daquaries after ten beers is no problem, since you can't feel the taste of alcohol. I'm starting to feel nauseous again, and that's when I begin remembering that I got up around nine to go to the restroom. I felt so sick afterwards that I walked out on to the balcony to get some fresh air. That's the last thing I remember. As I open my mouth to speak I can feel the taste of my tongue, and it's not a very pleasant sensation.
- What time is it?
- A quarter past twelve.
- Oh, crap. I've been out here for a couple of hours.
- Hope the party was worth it, then.
He then picks up his rake and continues his work on his lawn. An hour later I'm still in the same position as I was when he left me, only letting out a moan every now and then.