Elf's Treehouse -> Archives -> 2004 -> February

News of the World

2004-02-03 11:10:17 - 2 comments    |     Archives

So, George Bush and Tony Blair has been nominated for the Nobel peace price, eh? It's news like that wich make you realise that comedy is dying. Real life is catching up and as a freelance skit writer I can tell you that it's harder and harder to come up with the goods. "Sorry, that sounds like real life. Won't work." I'm not too surprised that the idea for this nomination came from Jan Simonsen. What else would one expect from a member of parliament who have friends bringing loaded guns in to parliament...

Nor do I find it surprising that Norway's least intelligent politicican ever, and that takes some serious effort, Thorbjørn Jagland has nominated the European Union. We got it now, Thorbjørn. You want Norway to join the union. I do too, but you're going a little bit overboard now, don't you think? Let's give it a few years and see if the expansion of the union really does create more peace and stability before we start handing out nominations, ok?

With everything that's going on in USA at the moment it takes the flashing of Janet Jackson's tit to get people to sit up and take notice about something. There's an election campaign going on in your country right now. Hello? How about giving that as much attention as this incident. It's a friggin' body part! If your kids take any damage from seeing it I tink it's you who have problems, not Ms Jackson. I think it's more damaging for your kids to see the reactions and all the fuzz the grown ups make of this than to see the tit. Besides, Ms Jacksons tits are fake and ugly. She used to be really beautiful but she messed herself up, real bad. Go figure.

And finally, for the love of humanity, why?!? My point about reality catching up with comedy suddenly became even more releveant...

Friday Five

2004-02-06 10:28:08 - 0 comments    |     Archives

A bit quiet at work this morning, so I'll take the time to do this.

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
Hmm, that's a tough one. I've done a lot of crazy shit through the years, and I've never been very nervous about doing any of them. It just seemed natural at the time. I once pretended I was blind at the movies and fooled everyone. I've been on stage (naked a couple of times and I've acted that I made out with a guy, wich a lot of people found daring), I've done a tandem jump with a parachute, I've done Magasuget at Sommarland in Bø i Telemark and I've exposed myself in loads of situations.

Maybe the most daring thing I've ever done was when I started DJ'ing, or the time I told people about my nervous breakdown in the mid 90's. I'll think I'll go with the DJ-thing.

Come to think of it, I'm going to be the toast master at a wedding in July. The bride to be described in an interview that her wedding was going to be perfect. Nothing like working under pressure, is there?

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
A couple of things I won't mention to anyone, apart from a very good friend of mine. I'd also like to have the time to do something VERY creative, but family life just doesn't give you the time.

3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
7. I'm a pussy when it comes to taking financial risks or risks that might jeapordize a steady income and a safe family life. Other than that I'm ready for anything.

4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
I've made lots of friends and it convinced me that I had certain talents that I've been able to use.

5. ... and what's the worst?
I've put some people off by having a big mouth and even though my days as a student where the funniest period of my life, I can't think of the last 12 months of that period without whincing. Long story but I realise in hindsight that it wasn't necessary of me to be so darn cocky all the time...

Sly Fisken og Heia Romlingane

2004-02-09 11:41:22 - 5 comments    |     Archives

Laurdag blei eg noget motvillig vitne til GullfiskenTV2. Grunnen til det er at diverse andre medlemar av familien ville sjå på programmet og eg vart derfor nedstemt. Med unntak av det året Lene Elise Bergum ledet programmet har det stort vært vore sjåverdig, ikkje minst takket være dei glimrande reklameparodiane programmet har vore spekka med.

Programmet startet dårleg. Så gjekk det ned i en bølgedal før det etterkvart sank enda djupere. Halvegs ute i programmet tok programmet plutseleg ei vending og blei så dårleg at det var smertefullt, før det med ein fart raskare enn lyden sank til botnen av Marianergropa og la seg der.

Ein skulle tru at programleder Paal Tarjei Aasheim hadde lært etter ti år som programleiar av Gullfisken at ingen, og da meiner eg absolutt ingen, i salen så mykje som trekker på smilebåndet av dei patetisk dårlege vitsene hans. I tillegg preikar han alt for mykkje. Ting som kunne blitt sagt i to tre setningar blir ofre for lange utgreiingar, framført med eit toskete flir, mens han ser inn i feil kamera. Korleis denne personen fekk det føre seg at han kunne lage eit slikt show heilt aleine er ei gåte. Har han like dårleg dømmekraft i sin daglige jobb? Kundane burde jo flykte frå byrået til Aasheim snarest råd. På den annen side fekk vi kanskje på denne måten svaret på kvifor det lagast så mykje dårleg reklame. Hvis dei overbetalte noksagtane i byråaene utviser like dårleg sjølinnsikt og kjenner si eiga begrensin like dårleg som Aasheim vil det forklare ganske mykje. Nå har jeg sjøl vore ansatt i eit mindre reklamebyrå, riktignok på internettløysingar, men eg kan ikkje hugse at det stod så dårleg til der som det må gjøre i Aasheim sitt byrå.

Dette er altså kanalen som lurer på kvifor dei miistar sjåare. Sjekk av virkelegheten, TV2. Kva med litt kvalitetskontroll? Trur eg skippar prisen til spelemannen i år.

Og ein ting til, TV2. Når dokker vil hyre inn komikarar, og eg bruker her ordet i sin vidaste tolkning, kan dere hyre inn folk som er meir morosamme enn taxisjåføren Ottar Jespersen? Ei framføring av en dårleg tekst blir ikkje meir underhaldande berre fordi han er stappa full av banneord og trugslar om fysisk misshandling.

Og til dei som lurer på kvifor eg bloggar på nynorsk i dag, så skal eg ikkje gjere som Aasheim og lage ei lang utgreiing om det. Eg skal bare fortelje at eg gjer det fordi nokon minna meg på om Romlingane i dag. Det viser seg nemlig at Romlingane bante og svor, og det på sjølvaste Barne-TV. Slikt fortjener respekt og ein hyllest i form av ei bloggposting. Så får dei unnskylde dei grovaste feilane...

Wich President Would I Wote For?

2004-02-10 10:29:28 - 2 comments    |     Archives

At www.presidentmatch.com I've found out how much I agree with seven of the candidates running for president. My list looks like this:

It's a bit worrying that Bush got such a high score, but at least he was at the bottom of the list and 62 points behind Edwards.

If you're from outside the US, please visit Arve and give him your result.

A Wandering Logistical Catastrohpe

2004-02-12 11:08:08 - 0 comments    |     Archives

Yep, that's the description a friend of mine once gave of me, and it's dead-on. It's not that I strive for it, it just happens at times. For instance when I'm either trying to juggle too many balls in the air at once or I'm just so occupied with something that other things are forgotten.

I try to retify this personal trait by writing things down, programming the calendar of my cellular to give me beeps and warnings in advance and so on. Still it happens that I screw up and boy did I yesterday. I'm going to Oslo today to see Kraftwerk and when I heard about the concert last October I immediately called two friends of mine and asked if they wanted to come with me. Of course they did, and one of them told me to get him two tickets. That meant I had to order four tickets for the concert. No problem I said...

On the same day I also ordered tickets for the Yes concert in Oslo in June and for a show with Kristian Valen in Molde in March. Being a man I by default got sorta confused by it all. So yesterday I discovered that I only had three tickets for Kraftwerk, while we were four people going to that concert, and I had four tickets for Kristian Valen while we were only three people going to that show. Ouch!

So my friend went out on the black market yesterday and bought another Kraftwerk ticket, wich I will pay for since he already payed me for a ticket wich I never bought. It's only fair since I screwed up.

Oh, the Valen ticket? I sold it to a colleague at work today. You see, that's my other personal trait. I'm good at getting (relatively) undamaged out of scrapes...

Friday Five

2004-02-13 23:50:43 - 3 comments    |     Archives

I'll write about the Kraftwerk concert later. For now, here's this week's Friday Five:

1. Are you superstitious?
Absolutely not. I only believe in what I've seen proof of, I don't have any rituals I just have to do (ok, I have some, but they are more compulsive behaviour based than anything else) and I don't believe in any deity.

2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition?
I've met and heard of so many people who have done extreme things in the name of superstition that nothing shocks me anymore. I do however get provoked when the catholic church once again show their true face, when people refuse blood transfusions for their children and when healers, homeopaths and other quacks have preyed on and fooled easy victims.

3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition?
Ghosts, I guess. If there is such a thing as ghosts, I want to be one when I die. Then I could haunt people I didn't like when I was alive.

4. Do you believe in luck? If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual?
I do believe in random chance. In my experience people who are lucky makes their own luck by being creative, smart and/or cynical. Lucky numbers? I don't have any lukcy numbers and I think people who use the same numbers every week in the lottery sure have guts. Just you wait, the one week you don't hand in your coupoun is the day your numbers are picked....

In my experience, people who belive in lucky numbers are those who come back from Vegas bragging about their winnings, while not taking in to account that the sum they lost is bigger.

5. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
No, I don't. Two reasons: Common sense and documentation is proof enough that the whole idea is absurd.
The horoscopes are written in so general terms they could fit anyone and they usually also give you so positive characteristics that your vanity makes you believe it. And think of this: According to people I know who belive in astrology, all people in my sign (Libra) should basically have the same traits, mood, abilities and so on. I've met quite a few libras, and they've all been totally different personalities compared to me. Nothing was the same.

A former boss of mine tried during the job interview to guess my star sign. Needles to say he failed, but after I told him I was a Libra, he's been constantly reminding me about it everytime I portray the characteristics of a typical Libra. Strange that he doesn't do that everytime I behave like a Lion.

I'm born on the 26th of September 1972. According to astrology, everybody born on that date should be like me, and we all know it's just not true. Even twins can be different as night and day. In short: Astrology is an ancient form of entertainment we should have left back in the middle ages together with all other superstitious beliefs.

The Power Plant

2004-02-17 00:23:48 - 0 comments    |     Archives

I really enjoyed the Kraftwerk concert. After the concert I met a friend of mine who said I didn't look overly exctatic after seeing my old heroes, but how should one feel about a Kraftwerk concert? More -->

Friday Five on a Saturday Morning

2004-02-21 09:17:11 - 0 comments    |     Archives

Well, since Håkon is immensed in playing the Great Giana Sisters on my trusty old Commodore 64, I might as well take the thime to do the Friday Five:

When was the last time you...

1. ...went to the doctor?
I went with Håkon in the last week in November to check on his flu. Personally I saw the doctor in October when I did my annual check up of my stomach. Crohns syndrome, you see.

2. ...went to the dentist?
What a cohinsidence. In two days I will be going to the dentist for the first time since 1992. That was the last year I had free dental care. I've never had any cavaties or any problems with my teeth so far in my life, and I'm going this Monday just to see if they're still ok.

3. ...filled your gas tank?
Line uses the car so much during work hours that she mostly fills it up. And her job pays for it.

4. ...got enough sleep?
Sleep...sleep... oh, I remember that. I'll report it when it happens.

5. ...backed up your computer?
How can one back up ones computer? It doesn't even have a gear shift. Oh... a back up? That's the kind of thing we computer experts tell all newbies to do on a regular basis, but wich we never do ourselves because we just can't find the time nor any back up medium with room enough. Let's just say I don't remember.

How Well Do You Know Elf?

2004-02-23 13:05:32 - 0 comments    |     Archives

This is your chance to solve the enigma, wich is what is it that makes Elf tick? Well, maybe not. What you can do, though, is to take a test to see how well you know Elf. I found this test via anetten and I thought it was so cool that I made my own quiz. Please leave a comment about your result.

Curve Balls

2004-02-27 10:55:04 - 8 comments    |     Archives

This hasn't been the best week. Life sometimes throws you a curve ball and you just have to deal with it, no matter how unpleasant. Going through weeks like this you will always be told that there's always someone worse off than yourself, and all you can think is that you would like to meet that someone since you could do with a laugh. More -->

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